


When Armour Breaks

by Ceru (izukillme), izukillme



Series: girls like girls like boys do [10]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21947695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izukillme/pseuds/Ceru, https://archiveofourown.org/users/izukillme/pseuds/izukillme
Summary: For @watcher-ofthe-sky for the FTLGBTales Happy Holigays Christmas Exchange.Erza's so tired of being strong for everyone else.Kagura helps.
Relationships: Kagura Mikazuchi & Erza Scarlet, Kagura Mikazuchi/Erza Scarlet
Series: girls like girls like boys do [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1183571
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	When Armour Breaks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [watcher_ofthe_sky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/watcher_ofthe_sky/gifts).



Erza Scarlet is used to responsibility.

She knows well the feeling of being looked to for leadership and for power. She is used to stepping up when no one else will and protecting those who cannot protect themselves. She is the face of Fairy Tail, the impassable Titania, the Queen of the Fairies. Her shoulders have borne the weight of duty for so long now that it is odd, almost, to step back and allow another to take the lead.

In short, Erza is no stranger to projecting bravery and strength.

But sometimes, it becomes too much for even her iron heart. Because that iron heart is all fragmented on the inside, ugly little shards of bent steel that sit rusting in the darkness that lives within Erza. Some days she has trouble getting out of bed, barely able to breathe, as if all the broken parts of her heart are clogging up her trachea and cutting into her windpipe.

Today is one of those days.

Erza swallows against the pain in her chest and forces her body out of the bed that’s too large for just one, moving sluggishly to the bathroom. The woman she sees in the mirror has dull and lifeless brown eyes, frizzy red hair that jumps out all over the place and a wan, pinched face that speaks of years of pain. It makes Erza recoil a little, seeing the harsh truth reflected back at her so starkly.

The ache in her heart builds, and suddenly she wants… well, she doesn’t know  _ what  _ she wants. Only that she wants –  _ needs  _ – a reprieve from this wounded, broken girl she refuses to let heal.

There is no time for healing, Erza tries to tell herself, summoning the stern Titania of Fairy Tail. She needs to be strong for her guild mates and for the rest of the world, because they depend on her. And yet, the image of Fairy Tail’s strongest Mage fails, replaced by the wretched young woman with eyes that have seen too much.

Erza wants to retch. She wants to run away from the mirror, wants to bring Titania back out and put Inner Erza back where she belongs, inside the iron cage that is her heart. But she doesn’t do either of those things, because exhaustion chooses that exact moment to begin gnawing at her soul and weakening her at the knees.

Maybe she will just go back to bed today, she thinks in a sudden and uncharacteristic flash of weakness. The guild will not collapse in on itself if she is absent for a single day.

Well, it might, but that’s a problem she can fix. Just… not today. Erza doesn’t think she can fix anything today.

She drags herself back to her warm and soft bed, the task itself taking an enormous amount of effort. Then she flops down onto the surface, cheeks fevered with equal parts frenzy and fatigue, and stares at the ceiling. Some of the plaster is cracking off of it, she notices. A self-deprecating chuckle passes her lips as her tired mind compares the plaster to herself.

“You’re tired of being strong, too, huh?” she asks sadly.

She receives no answer, of course. Sighing, Erza rolls over so she’s lying on her front, and buries her face in the pillow. An odd hollowness settles in her stomach, and her chest is heavy with weariness. At the same time she feels like the rusted pieces of her heart are tearing her apart from the inside out, and the pain is almost too much to bear. It’s an odd juxtaposition, pain and the lack of it. And yet both are equally hurtful, ripping Erza into little pieces that she’s too tired to put back together.

_ I can’t do this anymore _ , Erza thinks, and is surprised at the raw honesty in the thought.  _ I’m so tired… so tired of being the rock… _

_ Why do I have to be strong for everyone else? _

They’ll break if she breaks, Erza knows. She is the strong one, the one who leads, the one who takes on the most challenges and comes out on top. She is infallible Erza Scarlet, who cannot afford to snap because she is the symbol of everyone’s hope.

And yet even infallible Erza Scarlet is riddled with cracks that widen every minute, weakening her stone foundation. She is a broken woman pretending to be powerful, pretending to have won the fight against her inner demons when in reality she threw in the towel long ago.

A knock resounds throughout Erza’s apartment, and she stiffens, stomach tightening with panic.

_ What if something’s happened?! Oh, God, I never should have taken the day off – I should have gone – this is all my fault! _

She springs out of bed in an instant, fear fuelling her flight to the door. She throws it open, chest heaving with worry as she stares at the visitor.

Kagura Mikazuchi stands there, cool as a cucumber, dressed in a casual turtleneck and blue jeans, a far cry from her usual formal coats. Her sword, Archenemy, still hangs sheathed at her hip, of course – Erza wouldn’t expect anything less. She’s carrying a large white bag, whose contents are obscured from Erza’s eyes.

“May I come in?” Kagura asks politely, straight and to the point like always. Erza’s mouth opens, but no words come out. She simply nods and steps aside to allow Kagura in, speechless in her shock.

“I – what are you  _ doing  _ here?” she manages to croak out as Kagura walks into her home, stopping awkwardly in the middle of the hall and looking around.

Kagura turns to her. “May I put this on your table?” she asks respectfully, avoiding the question.

“Yes, yes, put it wherever, answer my question first!” Erza snaps. Kagura remains silent, moving slowly and robotically to place her bag on the dining table.

Then she looks up, connecting hers and Erza’s gazes, and says in a soft, mildly embarrassed tone, “I was passing through town and dropped by the guild to visit you. I was informed however that you were absent, and the shirtless one said that it might be ‘one of your days’ - whatever that meant, I didn’t think it sounded good by his facial expression, so I… er…  _ procured  _ your address-” Erza has to stifle a snort at the delicate way Kagura says ‘procure’, implying exactly how much delicacy she’d exercised in the process, “-and came here to check how you were. No one should be alone on Christmas Day.”

A sudden and uncomfortable silence falls over the two of them, then, both having run out of things to say. Kagura shifts in place, clearly self-conscious, and Erza just stands there in her dishevelled night-pants with her hair askew and feels the tiredness crawl its way back up her spine. She doesn’t realise that her knees have given out until warm arms wrap around her waist and pull her upwards to lean against a supple but firm body. 

A furious blush colours Erza’s cheeks as she realises she’s putting most, if not all, of her weight on Kagura, who had moved almost  _ too  _ swiftly to catch her. 

“I-” she stammers, jerking away and forcing strength into her legs, willing herself to stand strong just that little bit longer. She can’t let someone like Kagura see how weak she truly is; she simply  _ can’t _ . She has to project Titania, just a little longer.

But Kagura is already shaking her head, eyes alert and worried. “You don’t seem all right. Will you be able to make your way to the bedroom? But no… I can’t let you do that.”

Before Erza can protest, Kagura’s powerful arms are slipping around her waist once more, and then she feels air against her bare soles instead of ground because  _ holy shit _ , Kagura’s got her in a bridal lift and is  _ carrying her towards her bedroom _ .

Erza flails weakly, but Kagura’s stern gaze saps what little energy she has left, and she can’t even summon the strength to protest as the other Mage deposits her neatly on her large bed. She lies there limp and still, not even bothering to straighten her legs or shift into a more comfortable position.

Erza is so tired, too tired to care anymore. Too tired to even care about the fact that all her weakest points are on full display to a Mage who looks up to her more than anyone ever has.

But Kagura does not comment. She merely shifts Erza’s limbs into their proper positions and drapes the coverlets over her with surprising gentleness. Then she takes off her shoes and lies down on the bed next to Erza, turning on her side to face her. 

Kagura’s precise perfection is so at odds with the mess that Erza is right now, and yet she fits, somehow, as if she was always meant to be there.

“Are you well?” she asks Erza, and the inflection of her tone carries understanding and the same bitter taste of responsibility that Erza knows all too well. Kagura is not asking if she is sick, not really.

“I’m tired,” Erza says, a soft and sad sound that escapes her lips like the last breath of life leaving her chest. It’s a confession she’s never made to anybody, and the tense, anticipatory wait for Kagura’s response is almost too much to bear. 

“I understand,” Kagura says softly. There’s a familiar pain in her voice as she speaks, and just for a moment one can feel a fleeting touch of hollowness inside the iron goddess that Kagura is.

The wildly unexpected reply sends chills up Erza’s spine, chills of shock and realisation that maybe,  _ maybe  _ she isn’t alone in this after all. 

“Y - you  _ do _ ?” she asks softly, afraid that if she says it too loud something will shatter, turning on her side to face Kagura. 

A short bob of the chin in response. “You’re their strength,” Kagura replies just as quietly. “You are their light in the darkness. But even a candle can only burn for so long.”

Erza’s eyes brim with tears, and she presses her lips together.

_ You understand. I’m not alone. _

“Sometimes, it’s all you can do to stay together and keep your composure. It feels like you’re trying to hold a broken glass together and it just goes on breaking in your hands until you’re left with useless shards and cuts all over your palms,” Kagura continues, her own eyes shimmering and voice trembling with emotion. “It’s so hard, Erza… and you are so brave.”

Erza sniffles. “I’m not,” she says in a choked voice, the tears spilling over. Through her blurry vision she sees Kagura’s mouth turn up in a sad smile.

“Yes, you are,” Kagura says and wipes her tears with warm and gentle hands. She pulls Erza into a hug, holding her against her shoulder, and murmurs, “It’s all right. You don’t have to be strong for me.”

That sentence is what breaks the dam. 

_ You don’t have to be strong for me. _

For once in her life, she does not have to be strong for someone. For once in her life,  _ they  _ will be strong for  _ her _ .

Erza bursts into sobs, loud cries of agony and pain, letting all of it out as Kagura cradles her. She weeps for what feels like days, reliving all the pain that has her so torn up on the inside, allowing herself to truly grieve. 

When the tears dry up, Erza pulls away from the embrace, snuffling a little still. 

“Oh,” she says in a thick tone, voice hoarse from crying. “I got your shirt all messy.”

Kagura smiles. “It’s all right,” she says. “That’s what I’m here for.” 

Erza nods, too exhausted to do anything but accept Kagura’s kindness.

“Thank you,” she whispers. It’s gratitude for more than just letting her cry - not in all her years has Erza ever bared her soul to anyone like this. And Kagura has accepted all of it, taken all the broken parts and looked upon them with a loving gaze, as if they were the rarest and most precious diamonds in the world. 

Everyone else sees Erza as what she is, and cannot fathom her losing her grip even for a second. Kagura sees Erza as who she is, and wholeheartedly receives the weakness with the strength, the pain with the love, the sorrow with the joy. 

“You’re welcome. Merry Christmas.” Kagura replies, and Erza can see in her eyes that she truly means it. The soft relief that breaks over her when she sees Kagura’s unconditional love for her damaged self feels like a balm, soothing every wound she’s left open over the years.

“Yeah, you too,” Erza whispers. Fatigue washes through her once more, but this is a good weariness, one that makes her want to sleep and wake rejuvenated rather than lie like a zombie in her bed. She yawns, and Kagura smiles.

“Sleep,” she says. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Erza nods tiredly, and her eyes are closing before she knows it. Kagura drapes the covers over her once more, brushes her hair out of her face with tender fingers.

And she isn’t sure if she’s imagining the next part, but for a minute it almost feels like there are soft, warm lips on hers, a sweet promise that their owner will stay as long as she needs. The sensation is gone within a few seconds, though, and Erza falls fully into dreamland, slumbering peacefully for the first time in over a year. 

Her dreams are filled with the dark-haired woman who has loved all of her, even the damaged parts, and it brings contentment to Erza’s broken heart at long last. 


End file.
